I decided to give him an out and he took it. He knew how unbalanced and fucked up I was. He saw the worst side of me anybody had ever seen before. It took them a while to get together romantically, but I always saw her in pictures, and I had a gut feeling about her. And to make it worse, one of his friends that he brought to the club that night is now his girlfriend. The fight and my reactions escalated so quickly that there was no turning back. I could blame it on the drugs and the alcohol, but it was as if I had no control over my words and actions. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. He had a bouncer separate me from him, because he couldn’t deal with me. I made a fool out of myself at that club. I was so hurt that he was angry with me that I lashed out at him. Right after I said it, I saw the blood drain out of his face. As I awakened, I began to realize that I was a healer. Ever since I had met him, I had been slowly awakening. The night we had our fight, as the ecstasy raced through my veins, it intensified all my emotions, but it also brought out my spiritual self. He wouldn’t want to love somebody who feared being abandoned. He wouldn’t want to be with somebody who was so needy for love. I was so scared to lose him that all I could do was push and push my feelings onto him. I felt so much anxiety that my stomach was constantly in knots. How could he ever love a mess like me? I couldn’t hide how broken I was. I could forget about all my insecurities and childhood wounds.
For one night, sometimes two, I didn’t have a care in the world. I got to party and dance with my friends. And in those dark clubs and warehouses, I found shreds of happiness in those hours of drugged out bliss, I didn’t have to think about how lost I was deep down, how much it hurt inside, how fearful I was that the people who came into my life would abandon me. I dove into a sub-culture of music where people took drugs and escaped from reality for a weekend at a time. For years, I had done everything I could to push away my emotional problems and my childhood wounds. There was a deep knowing within me telling me that there was work to be done. But it wasn’t the right time to contact him. His misery permeated the air that I breathed.
Every morning, I felt like I wanted to die. I woke up with a pit of despair at the bottom of my stomach. We weren’t speaking to each other, yet I woke up feeling his energy as if he were lying next to me.
I had to accept the fact that he was no longer in my life. His essence was all over me, and there was nothing I could do but miss him. I could feel him, yet we weren’t together. The energy after a separation is INTENSE. I discovered it’s because the energy between the two souls is entwined. “Is this how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life?”Ī Twin Flame connection will make you feel like you’re going insane. I spent my days Googling “Why is this connection making me feel crazy?” Either I never found the answer online or I didn’t understand the answer given, but for whatever reason, I had to figure out the answer on my own. Every day after we separated was the same.
0 kommentar(er)
